Preserves

When I see the music video, Mean Girls by Rachel Crow, (the title alone should tell) tears come to my eyes. I am feeling lots of emotions - sadness for the terrible memories of going through the same things over 30 years ago; fear for my beautiful young daughter being pulled into it; anger that it is still happening to girls today.

I watch my daughter - smiling, happy, carefree - I wish to preserve the place she is in. Her confidence is high, and she is not worried (yet) about what others think. She is free to wear her clothes and hair however she wants without concern of others' opinions. I feel the storm coming but have no way to prevent the damage it will cause. I remember my mom telling me to ignore the looks, taunts, bullies at school. Her advice didn't help. I hope to take my painful experience and give my daughter better tools to get through it. She will be in the fourth grade in less than a month and it will all start again on the first day of school - snide comments, judgemental looks. The summer vacation doesn't erase the behavior of the mean girls.

I know there will be a day when she comes to me in tears. I dread that day, because the part of me that is the sad girl of my past will be brought back to the surface. All that torment endured so many years ago remembered, felleings of anger, hurt, resentment still there. Maybe I need to introduce my daughter to that girl, to let her know that I went through things that she may too face. Maybe the video is the place to begin.