Questions For My Mother

In the ten years since my mom passed away I have had so many questions come up that only she could answer. How long were you in labor when I was born? Was I a good baby? When did I walk? What funny things did I do as a toddler?

Then I got to thinking about all the questions I have about her. I was in my thirties when she died, and not yet at the point where I could relate to her as a woman, more than just my mom. As a typical child, I thought of myself and my life and never took the time to think that she had already walked the path I was on; marriage, children, family life. Too late I realized that the nuggets of truth, motherly advice, and details of the past died with her. I would never know the woman that she was.

If I had the chance I would ask so many questions of the young woman she once was - long before she was married and had a family.

What were you like as a kid? What is the best memory you remember from your childhood? The worst? Do you remember your father? Did you have a favorite toy, a best friend, a treasured book?

What was your best subject in school? Did you have a dream for your future? What did you want to be?

How did you and Dad meet? Did you love anyone before you met him? What was the one thing you loved most about him?

How did you get such beautiful handwriting? Were you always so good at playing (winning) games?

What did you really feel when you found out you were pregnant with your first child? Were you scared?

Do you have any regrets?

I'm not that mommy anymore

Once upon a time I was the mommy who looked for the best baby food, took my little one to Story Time at the library, compared diaper brands and shopped the kids consignment store. I'm not that mommy anymore.

Some days I miss being there - when I read the blog posts about childbirth experiences and red-shirting for Kindergarten. I miss it when I hear about the first grade performance and the playground they are building at the park down the street. I feel a twinge when I see the photos of baby clothes and read about the best way to potty train your two year old.I feel it when I look at the back seat and there is no longer a car seat or booster, in fact the back seat is cleaner than the front now that my daughter rides shotgun with me.

I feel a bit of sadness as that part of motherhood, of that mommy in me, is going away. I canceled my subscription to Parents magazine and search for blogs about tweens. 

There is a sense of freedom, now that my girl can stay home alone for an hour here and there, and that she does so many things on her own, without my supervision. I look back at the days when I thought I couldn't take another minute of toddler t.v. or play any more with Little People. I always knew these days would get here, and I'm glad they have.